Because We Are Able PT II

Advik sits crossed-legged, alone in the dark in the corner of his bedroom. He can hear his grandmother snoring softly on the other side of the blanket that divides his small space from hers. 

It has been dark for a few hours now and dark always means bed-time; but he gave up trying to sleep about an hour ago. He simply has too much on his mind. So many different feelings inside his head. Part of him is excited because he knows that his mother is on her way home to him. He hasn’t seen her since he was 8, fourteen squares ago. His grandmother had made him a calendar and showed him how to mark off time on it. 14 squares meant 14 months and there were 12 months in a year his grandmother said. So, one year and 2 more squares. Thinking about it made his head hurt and he wishes he had been able to go to school so it made more sense. His grandmother has taught him what she could, but he knows there is much more because some of his friends in the village go to school. They can read words. They can write words.

Excitement is just one feeling he has though. He is also very worried. It has been a long time now since they have heard from his mother. Grandmother said her phone died. He has seen the tears of worry in his grandmother’s eyes when he asks when she will be home, even though she tries hard to hide them, even turning her back before she answers.

But Advik has another feeling too. It’s one he doesn’t really understand and he can’t think of a word for it. He has only seen his mother 5 times that he can remember although he knows she came home other times, but he was too young to remember. And each time was the same. A large bus stopped at the end of the road and his mother and other mothers from the village would climb off. Then, just days later, another bus would stop and his mother and the other mothers were gone again. This is what is giving him the strange feeling because his grandmother said that she might be home for a very long time. Because of some sickness that people are giving each other in the cities.

He knows he should be happy, but he also feels scared. Yes, that’s it, scared! That’s the feeling, but why? He has dreamt of the day that his mother would come home forever. But now that she really might be, he feels scared. Then it hits him and he can feel a knot growing in his stomach. He doesn’t really know his mother. She is like a blurry dream that comes and goes. What if she doesn’t like him when she is around all the time? What will they do after the hugs and laughter and walks outside? After the stories of the city are all told? Then what? She won’t be getting on a bus and things won’t go back to normal. She will still be there!

Which gives him another worry. What are they going to eat? His mother has always sent money for food, but that stopped when she left the city. The last money she sent only lasted about 5 days and they had eaten much less than normal. The thought makes him hungry. Since then, his grandmother has gotten a little food from neighbors each day and sometimes she went to a bigger village and came home with more, but is still wasn’t much. What will happen when his mother comes home and they all have to share the food? There won’t be enough! 

Which makes him feel anger! Anger at the person who made all of this happen. The person who made his mother have to work so far away. The person who should be there bringing home food so his mother could be at home with him. His father! 

But how could he feel such anger towards someone he has never met? He doesn’t really understand that, but the feeling is real! 

He stands up from his blanket and can feel his heart pounding from an anger that he has never felt. He walks in small circles in the dark, careful not the disturb the blanket between him and his grandmother. 

He has no memories of his father at all. He only knows that he left his mother when he was just a baby. His aunt told him the story one night when the two of them were alone around the fire. She said she wanted him to understand why he didn’t get to be with his mother. She said it made her very angry too. She told him that very same night that her husband had died not long after her second child. She said he drank too much of something.

The village he is in only has three fathers in it! Out of all of the homes there, only three fathers and one uncle who cares for his brother’s children. 

Some of the children have no mother or father. Only a grandmother. It’s so confusing! Where are all the fathers? Why don’t they love their children!?

Finally, it’s just more than he can take. He can feel the tears welling up in his eyes. He can feel the knot in his stomach growing. He tries hard to hold it all in; all the worry, all the fear, all the anger. He covers his mouth with both hands, but the scream escapes and now he is sobbing uncontrollably! 

His grandmother is there in an instant. She bursts through the blanket and runs right into Advik!

“Advik! What is wrong? Why did you scream? Why are you crying?”

She holds him tight against her and rubs the back of his head with her gnarled fingers. She senses he is not ready to tell her and so she just holds him tight against her until the sobs finally subside. Then she leads him by the hand to her side of the room and gently sits him down on her own blanket; then walks away and lights a candle before she returns.

She sits across from him on the blanket and sets the candle so the soft glow illuminates both of their faces. She lifts his down-turned head with a gentle nudge under his chin. 

He looks up at his grandmother. The one person who has never left him no matter what. Oh, how he loves her! He can see the worry in her eyes. He can see her lips trembling as she reaches out and brushes the tears away from his eyes. He smiles a little. Then he reaches out and takes her hands in his own and tells her. Tells her everything…