This is Why-Forgiving The Past

Janat thinks she is about eleven years old. But she is not really sure. There were no birthday celebrations back then. In fact, there were no celebrations, or anything to celebrate for that matter.

In fact, Janat knows very little about her younger self. That younger self is like a small, dark shadow that lingers in the back of her mind. A starved and abandoned version of the healthy and beautiful, young girl she is now.

A shadow that sometimes invades her dreams at night to remind her of what life was like before the police brought her to Nantale Lifeline Children’s Home when she was arrested for being a vagrant.

The dreams she plays a part in are nightmares indeed. But nothing compared to the reality that spawned them. They creep into her mind even now and leave her gasping for breath.

The reality that was is more than she can bear to think of as she values what she has now by comparison to what she had then. Or more accurately put, what she didn’t have.

Janat tells us that she was abandoned by a woman named Birra. Birra, who claimed to be her mother, dumped her off at the home of an old woman who went by the simple moniker of “grandma.” There were several other children already living there by similar circumstance. Janat was a tiny and frail little thing at the time. Malnourished and sickly, she immediately became a target to the unruly and undisciplined mob of young orphans at “grandma’s” home. The mob mistreated her and stole her food. She was no better off there than before.

And so like so many young girls in her situation, she began taking to the streets to find food. She would beg first; and when that failed, she rummaged through “dustbins and rubbish heaps” in search of scraps of food that she would never think of eating now. She remembers how disgusting it was. How she had to hold her nose to get the “food” down. Yes, sometimes her younger self invades her dreams to remind her of the way it was back then. Reminds her of how “miserable, homeless, hungry and even angry she was.” Angry at the mother she doesn’t even remember and the father she never met. Angry that there were no “good Samaritans” willing to even give her starving, little self a scrap of what they had plenty of, when she had nothing at all herself.

Did I mention, she thinks she is about eleven?

Janat may not know who her mother is for sure. And she will never know who her father is… or was. But there are some things she does know, even at the age of “about eleven.”

She knows that if she had not been arrested by the police and taken to Nantale Lifeline Children’s Home, things would have gotten much worse for her younger self. And it wouldn’t be the healthy and happy version of Janat that smiles back at her on the mirror each morning. In fact, it would have been someone much different than who she has become.

She tells us that she knows what happens to most young girls that are abandoned. She knows she would have likely been “defiled” at a very young age. She knows she would have become pregnant when she was still a child. That she would likely have contracted HIV/AIDS as well. That she would have likely died due to hunger, or torture, or from being kidnapped and having her organs taken from her and sold on the black market. The latter is a frightening and growing trend that children there are warned to be aware of.

She tells us that if she survived, she would have been a street kid. A beggar. A drug addict. A thief. Likely all of the above. She tells us that she knows she would have never gone to a single day of school. And she knows that there in Uganda an uneducated young woman has no chance at a life even worth living. She has seen it, even at her young age. She has lived it; and saw the writing on the proverbial wall.

The director echoes Janat’s beliefs. And she has seen it all in her role as the Director of the home. The alternating bed in the home has routinely been slept in by young girls who have suffered nearly every item on Janat’s fearful list of things that could have happened to her.

But Janat has forgiven her past. Forgiven her mother and father, despite their despicable acts of abandonment and neglect. She has forgiven the cold, harsh streets that held her young self in their cruel embrace. And she has forgiven the heartless people who ignored her plight on a daily basis, shooing her away like a troublesome rodent. But why? How? Where has her anger gone, and what has it been replaced by?

In one word, God.

She has seen His love in the actions of others; and so, in reading His Word, it has come to life all around her. It is real. She experiences it every day and is surrounded by it. Her words express the miracle she has found: “I have learned that God loves me so much. He sent his son Jesus to die for all of the people that He created, including me. It has also made me realize that God can use anyone to help others in danger. That I should keep hope and faith alive. That tomorrow will be better than today and that our God will be with me until the end of time. That He will never abandon me because He loves me and works in mysterious ways. I have forgiven my parents who abandoned me and never came to take me back. And I plan to be well behaved in order to receive the blessings from our Lord. I have learned to love people and learned that not all people are bad and God calls on us to love people how they are. I am no longer lonely and sad.

It is a miracle to me to be loved by people I do not know and I have never even met or seen. They are so special to me. They are so kind and loving. I ask myself, ‘How can strangers love me more than my parents or relatives do?’ And I know it is because of God. I feel happy and fortunate inside myself. May the almighty God bless you immensely. Because of you, I am forgiving the past.”